I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
