onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
