How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
