He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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