So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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