I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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