It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
