I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So here I am, sexting at work.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
