I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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