A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize