Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
