Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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