Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
3 2 1 whiskey
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
