I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
