i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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