my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
