Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
