Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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