I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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