Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
