We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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