a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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