i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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