Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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