okay pat passed out under dana's car
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
