We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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