They should really pass out barf bags in church
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
