Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
