Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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