do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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