do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize