Just took my morning after pill in the library
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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