oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize