Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
