chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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