Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
