There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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