as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
