This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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