Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize