I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
