oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
