I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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