they need to just BURY HIM!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
