youre lurking in front of me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize