its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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