She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
