I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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