Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
