I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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