i already hear my dad disowning me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
