I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
