Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
