Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize