I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
