Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
