well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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