Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
