JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
