A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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