Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
