my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
