i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
