remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
