No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
