What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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