If that was your dad, he is hot
im holly from the hills drunk
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
