somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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