Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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