he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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