One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
