She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
