Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize