wrigley field is MILF paradise
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
