I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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